Tuesday, March 30, 2010

countless kids and counting

If you have access to cable television, then you likely have encountered TLC, or Trainwreck-Laden Channel as we like to call it. TLC is home to all the fucked-uppery we can't seem to stop watching, shows like:

  • I'm Incredibly Fucking Fat
  • Pregnant and Fat
  • Babies and Their Stupid, Stupid Parents
  • Babies Babies Babies Babies YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY
  • Why Do We Keep Filming Thi$ Family When They Just Need $ome Goddamned Privacy to Work on Their Per$onal I$$ue$
  • You Suck at Getting Dressed
  • Toddlers and Tiaras: Mothers Living Vicariously Through Their Grossly Made-up, Over-Sexualized, Young Young Too Young Daughters Why God Why
  • LOL Midgets
And of course, 17 18 19 Kids and Counting. This show centers around a family too religious and/or retarded to use birth control, and the mother just keeps having kids. More recently, one of her daughters-in-law has just had a child, making Mommy Duggar a grandmother. The two women were pregnant together. Imagine being pregnant for the first time - the joy and excitement at something beautiful and new that you made with your darling, a perfect combination of his blue eyes and your thick hair - oh how wonderful it's all going to be! Then imagine being pregnant at the same time as your mother-in-law, who has had so many children that having a baby is as exciting as taking a shit. How's that for raining on your birth parade. And Mommy Duggar's births are parades, with the entire family in the hospital wings waiting to walk by and pat the new little bundle on the head, then get back to their lives of ... what do they even do? Go on "educational" trips? Build bigger houses? Laundry?

Watching this show is a constant reminder why I have an IUD - who the FUCK needs a 40-man roster living in their house? Let's bust out the calculator for a second. If all of the Duggars' currently born children eventually decide to procreate in a similar fashion as their parents, do you all realize how many people that would produce?


Can you imagine the family gatherings? Realistically, though, the entire family can't be that ridiculous. Can they? Please God, we don't need TLC making any more money off of this woman's scarred and cratered uterus (which probably looks like the surface of Miranda by now).

For the love of global preservation, Duggar family, just stop having kids. That last one pretty much fell out.